Aug 21, 2017
I wish for a lot of things. Not material things but for a guy to do little things to show he loves me. Or at least appreciates me. I wish that a guy would walk up behind me and just hold me from behind. I wish to be randomly kissed. I wish someone would love me for me. I wish that a guy would let me just hold him and cuddle him. I wish that someone would tell me I am beautiful when I feel like absolute shit. I wish that he would hug me whenever he sees I am sad or getting low. I wish that someone would see it when I get low and just hold me and tell me everything is okay that I am not a failure. That they want me here. I wish to not want to cut myself a lot because I feel like a disappointment, that I am bothering people. I wish that I could just be able to talk about what I am feeling a lot to the one I love. I wish that I wasn't so weak, so broken. I wish that I had someone who would make sure that I am okay, that I am eating, that they just help me feel like I am not useless that I am not weak.
I wish for many things. Most may never come true. I wish that the person I love is happy. Is always smiling. That he allows me to help.
I wish that I could just have someone to love me. I am so tired of the heart break. I am so broken from my past. I just need someone to actually love me and to show it to me by even just holding me or just talking with me. But maybe I am not deserving of love. After all I truly am this weak person. If you have ever heard of a dominant and submissive relationship...its not all about sex. At times when the submissive is feeling low the dominant would just be there for her/him. Yes a dom can be a girl or guy. Just as a sub can be a girl or guy.
I am to afraid to tell him. Because he already feels as if he isn't what I want and need. The truth is he isn't ready and we know that. But he is what we want and need. It was stupid of me to tell him I fell for him. I should have just kept it to myself. Hide it. Like how I do with my emotions a lot. I keep thinking that I am going to be hurt again. That he is going to find someone he truly love and who is skinnier then me and so much better then me. No, we aren't dating. But I keep thinking things that are bad and it makes me want to just cry. Or just sleep and never eat, or even just cut myself. I am so afraid of losing him if I tell him my dark side and what I think a lot. He has helped me a lot without knowing. But I won't allow him to do a lot of things. I just push everything away because I am so afraid that I will be hurt that I will finally just say fuck it and cut or just try to die. I know I am depressing. I try to hide it. I don't talk much. I just wish for so many things that I don't think he will ever be ready to do. And I am okay with that. I really am. I just can't lose him, my light in my dark life.
I wish for many things. Most may never come true. I wish that the person I love is happy. Is always smiling. That he allows me to help.
I wish that I could just have someone to love me. I am so tired of the heart break. I am so broken from my past. I just need someone to actually love me and to show it to me by even just holding me or just talking with me. But maybe I am not deserving of love. After all I truly am this weak person. If you have ever heard of a dominant and submissive relationship...its not all about sex. At times when the submissive is feeling low the dominant would just be there for her/him. Yes a dom can be a girl or guy. Just as a sub can be a girl or guy.
I am to afraid to tell him. Because he already feels as if he isn't what I want and need. The truth is he isn't ready and we know that. But he is what we want and need. It was stupid of me to tell him I fell for him. I should have just kept it to myself. Hide it. Like how I do with my emotions a lot. I keep thinking that I am going to be hurt again. That he is going to find someone he truly love and who is skinnier then me and so much better then me. No, we aren't dating. But I keep thinking things that are bad and it makes me want to just cry. Or just sleep and never eat, or even just cut myself. I am so afraid of losing him if I tell him my dark side and what I think a lot. He has helped me a lot without knowing. But I won't allow him to do a lot of things. I just push everything away because I am so afraid that I will be hurt that I will finally just say fuck it and cut or just try to die. I know I am depressing. I try to hide it. I don't talk much. I just wish for so many things that I don't think he will ever be ready to do. And I am okay with that. I really am. I just can't lose him, my light in my dark life.
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