my unique life

Work is fun for me.  I actually love my job. I realized I have known D for a little over a year now. I think that is so cool. I have loved him for over a year now. I still have this hope that maybe one day he would fall in love with me. But... I highly doubt it. I am not good enough. I will never be good enough to be loved. I will never be good enough to be kissed or cuddled, or to hold hands. I know he is still healing. I hope I am helping him heal. I never want to push him to do something he doesn't want to do. I have started to close myself off little by little. Hoping he doesn't realize it. It is the only way to make sure that I am always there for him and for him to not be worrying about me. I am not important. I know this in my heart, head and soul. I will never be important. He is my everything and I want to help him get better, and to make sure he is happy and feels loved. I don't know why he cares about me when he shouldn't. I don't want to cause him any mo...

So, I got a job at Sonic. I am so happy that I have a job. It means I will be able to help D more and be able to actually get things I need. I miss D tho. Since I have a job, I can only go see him when I have days off. I can't go over and see him for 2 weeks like I want to. It is so hard to not see him. I relax fully when I am with him. I sleep so much easier with him. I still can't watch movies fully at home. I haven't had the urge to watch them unless I am with him. I like watching movies with him. D makes me so very happy. He helps the bad go away. I am always smiling when I am with him or even messaging him. I hope that I make him happy. I try to. I want him happy. I don't like that he puts himself down. I know at times that he does get low because he gets triggered. But I still love him and will always love him no matter what.