my unique life

Why do I cause trouble? I always bother him and cause him trouble. I always feel as if I am always bothering him. I don't want to cause him trouble or anything bad. He is so sweet to me. I think he is amazing. I can't wait till Halloween. Although I think he is going to try to scare me. I wouldn't mind. I have to stop being clingy. I need to push more of me back. He doesn't realize, I take everything in and at times it hurts me. So I push it back.

It has been a month since I have seen D. I have been having a lot more nightmares lately. I miss him. It is hard to sleep without him near. Usually, I fall asleep much faster with him near. I know I sound needy but in truth, he helps me without realizing it. Even him being near me helps me a lot. Right now he and his family are packing. They got a new house. I hope they move in before Halloween. I am supposed to go spend Halloween with him. I hope I still can. Hopefully, soon I can spend at least a week a with him. I just want to cry sometimes because I got used to waking up and seeing him next to me. But I haven't been able to for a month, and I almost start to cry.

Today is the zombie walk. My mother and sister are going. I don't see the point in it. Last year around this time my ex and I were kind of in a rough place. Then soon after we broke up. More like he broke up with me. I don't love him anymore. I got over him after a couple months. Moved on. It is just the memories are so annoying. And then D hasn't talked to me since early this morning. So now I am feeling rejected. I don't even have energy today. I just want to stay in bed and that is it. There is less then 1 and a half weeks till halloween. Till I can see D again. I can't wait. I am bouncing in my seat. I still have to figure out how to do my make up. I got new wings for my costume. Kind of ruined my old wings. I had D choose the shirt I am wearing. I am nervous though. I try and look nice and dress up sometimes to empress him. Hasn't worked. Maybe I am a failure.

I want to talk with D about different things. But sometimes it seems he just brushes it off. And when I start talking about how I am feeling, it seems he doesn't know how to handle it. I don't want to be a bother to him yet I know I am. I love him. He shouldn't be caring about me. I don't deserve it. My father is being a drama queen a lot and keeps making everything about him yet again. I just wish my mom would divorce him and leave him. But we can't leave the cats. We love them a lot. I created this blog to help me get things off of my chest. It works sometimes but other times it doesn't. And I just need someone to talk to about it. I bother D to much already. I have a job interview tomorrow. I hope I get the job so I can get out of the house. It's part time. But it will help either way. Happy Friday the 13th everyone.