Aug 1, 2017 7:34 p.m.

I think my depression is coming back again. The reason being is that I saw a post that said depression is when you get tired when you do nothing.
I have been tired and haven't really done anything.
So it's back. I am not telling D tho. He shouldn't worry about whether it is acting up or not.
I am happy I have him in my life, it's just I wish he could see when I get sad.
But then I don't want him to. He doesn't show affection around his family. So I will keep it to the bare minimum for him. That way I don't cause any trouble.
Who am I kidding? I always cause trouble by just living.
I know it isn't right saying that but it's how I feel right now.
That I don't matter, I shouldn't matter.
I am nothing.
A waste of space.
I don't tell anyone this tho. I keep it quiet. Like I am supposed to do.
Why do I have to be so fucked up? Why can't I be better?
I know I fuck up everything. I have been told that my whole life.
I can't help it, I always think badly about myself. It's because I never have someone to talk to and when I do they usually brush it off. I would talk to D, but he doesn't need any more trouble with me.
Literally, I do my best to stay out of the way, to not talk much, to not show affection much. I block me to make sure I don't fuck up. I have gotten my heart broken so many times, it feels as if it is barely there.
I am such an idiot. I am too fat, too plain, too boring. I am just a piece of trash who deserved to be yelled at, to be mad at, to not care about.
I will never voice these out loud. No one wants to hear me be depressed.

Anyway have a nice day/night
-Jasmin