my unique life

Hey, everyone. Today topic I am choosing is sadness and depression. Today for me is kind of a hard day. My sister and father have made me mad. Then I start thinking, what if I kill myself. Would they even care? Would they notice? Would anyone notice? My mind the part I hide is the sadness and depression. I keep it away from people who I care about. Not a lot of people know what truly goes through my mind. I always think that maybe I should die. I mean look at how my own "Family" treats me. I get verbal abused almost every day. Other times I think of maybe I should move, get away from them. I want to cry every day. I just want to have someone who loves me. Who would cuddle with me. Who would treat me right. I can't ever get happiness in my life. I found someone who I like. Who I am falling for. But he says it shouldn't happen. So I block a lot of me off. I just need someone who wants to be with me for my personality. Who helps me and I them. But whatever, Life...

Hello everyone, So the main topic I think I want to talk about today is the past. Their are many things that happen in someone past. It can be good or bad. People in the 20th century judge others now by how they look, most of the time. Their are some who don't, they are the special ones. Me, I never judge someone by their look. I get to know them. When people look at me all they see is a 19 year old woman who is fat and doesn't dress or use makeup properly. I dress how I have always learned which is to not show too much skin. I don't use contouring, highlighter or even do my eyebrows. My makeup is simple concealer, lipstick, eye-shadow, eye-liner and mascara. That is only if I feel like doing makeup. The point being, is it is not right to judge someone who you know nothing of their past. Sometimes the past haunts you. Today my first ex-boyfriend from high school sent me a friend request on facebook. I didn't accept, the reason being. Is I can't handle his dram...

So I have been talking to this guy for a while. He is so sweet. I am falling for him. He says I shouldn't but its hard when your heart has already fallen. I know I have been hurt before multiple times. But I keep hope. Hope is something that helps me keep going through life. Our kittens we got recently are doing well. The three of them are so adorable. We have two boys and one girls. Their names are Socks Satan Eddy, Lucifer Midnight Eddy and Wonderer Melody Eddy. Princessa hisses at them sometimes still but he is slowly getting used to them. Love, it is so hard to find and so easy to lose. I may seem innocent on the outside, but my eyes have seen many things. About the guy who I am talking to, he is mysterious yet I can somehow understand certain things about him. He makes me smile all the time even when my family has made me mad. He is handsome. To me however, looks isn't everything. It is there personality. It is what's on the inside not the outside. Every day we ta...

Family. What does it mean to me? It should mean people who are there for each other. People who understand you and won't leave you. People who don't verbal abuses you and treat you like shit. No, what it means to me now is people who I am related to by blood. Sometimes I want to just leave, find a place to stay and get away from them. Other times I wonder what it would be like to be deleted. (died) I know it is wrong to say those things but its the truth. I feel like I don't have a family. Like I am all alone. I talk to my best friend, I consider her a sister. Even though we aren't even the same race. Sometimes it is better to have family that isn't related by blood then to have a family that is. What a wonderful fucked up life. I can deal with bullying, with depression, and anxiety. But to be verbally abused most of my life by my so called "family". I can't. At least not anymore. I wanna block of all of my emotions. So I can focus on school. So ...

So, I have been talking to a lot of people. Making new friends. Meeting new people. My best friends mom said that if I cleaned the house then she will pay me $25 dollars a day that I am here. I have been helping today and she won't pay me. FML Anyway until next time Have a nice day/night -J