Sep 30, 2017
I may have just ruined what D and I have. Fuck, I am such an idiot. I haven't got my birth control shot yet. In my body I have more testosterone, so taking the shot helps me get my hormones. Without it my emotions go all over.
I don't want to lose him. I just may have though. He is my light without him I would be sleeping more, I would be how I used to be. I don't want to be that girl again.
I just want him. But no I had to fuck it up being the stupid ass I am.
Maybe I should hit my head against the wall. Teach me a lesson.
I am afraid that if I lose him, I won't be able to come back if I go to my old self.
I actually am in love with him. I picture the future and I see him in it.
I am such a idiot. He is an amazing person. He actually cares about me. He treats me as if I am human. He worries about me. He is funny. When he plays his game and yells at the tv, I laugh and tell him, "love it is just a game they can't hear you."
I watch him a lot. Because it is interesting. Seeing him cook, seeing him concentrate on something.
I try to see if I an see his emotions through his eyes. Sometimes I can see it. Other times I can't. I want to be there for him and help him. I don't want to leave him. He is everything to me.
I just hope with all my heart that he lets me stay in his life and that we talk to each other. But if not I would understand.
I don't want to lose him. I just may have though. He is my light without him I would be sleeping more, I would be how I used to be. I don't want to be that girl again.
I just want him. But no I had to fuck it up being the stupid ass I am.
Maybe I should hit my head against the wall. Teach me a lesson.
I am afraid that if I lose him, I won't be able to come back if I go to my old self.
I actually am in love with him. I picture the future and I see him in it.
I am such a idiot. He is an amazing person. He actually cares about me. He treats me as if I am human. He worries about me. He is funny. When he plays his game and yells at the tv, I laugh and tell him, "love it is just a game they can't hear you."
I watch him a lot. Because it is interesting. Seeing him cook, seeing him concentrate on something.
I try to see if I an see his emotions through his eyes. Sometimes I can see it. Other times I can't. I want to be there for him and help him. I don't want to leave him. He is everything to me.
I just hope with all my heart that he lets me stay in his life and that we talk to each other. But if not I would understand.
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