Sep 17, 2017

Today is a low day for me. My mind keeps thinking a lot of different things.
Like I am a bother to D. He says I am not. But at times I see it when I bother him.
I always feel so bad when I bother him. Hell, I feel bad when I ask him a stupid question.
I just want to make him happy. I feel so bad when he is sad, when we make him worry, when I make him sad.
I don't mean to. I am used to having no one care about me. Having no one ask how I am feeling, or ask what is wrong with me.
I feel wanted when someone asks me what is wrong and keeps asking even though I tell them not to worry. But they keep asking until I tell them.
No one has ever done that to me. I worry a lot about him. I know he is still hurting from what happened in his life. I want to help him through it all. I want to make him feel loved and wanted which he is. I don't want him to worry about me and what is usually wrong, or to make sure I eat.
He is usually busy....So I never want to bother him. And when I do I feel like I am going to be scolded.
I am just waiting for when he will scold me or tell me to go away.
It has been like that for me for years. It is why I am afraid a lot. It's also why I am always quiet.