Feb 23, 2018 10:47 am
I don't know what to do anymore. His daughter makes me feel as if I shouldn't be here. And I don't tell him. Because it isn't right of me to. I feel hurt at times. I feel lonely at certain times as well. But why should he care? I am nothing to him. I don't mean anything to anyone.
Fuck, now even more bad thoughts are coming in my mind. But I still won't tell him. I don't matter. He says I do. But I don't believe it. I will never truly matter to someone.
Right now I am sitting in his room and crying. While he is in his daughter's room having a blast. He wants me to hang out with him and her at times. But I can't. I really don't feel welcome with her.
But who am I to say anything. I am just a nobody. I have been telling him to not worry about my birthday. I don't celebrate it anymore anyways. I tell him to not even worry about getting me anything, ever.
Why am I never wanted? Why can't someone love me? I just want to lay down and cry and sleep most of the day. Not eating and not feeling. I can't tell him though. He has other things to do and worry about. I am slowly going back to how I first was when I started to come over. Where I barely talked, barely interacted with anyone and not wanting to eat. Is that bad? Probably.
I keep thinking maybe I should just go home. He would be happier without me here. I ruin everything anyway's.
I wanna scream to let my frustration out. I want to cry to allow my sadness out. I wanna do something but I can't. I don't know what to do anymore except go back into my shell where I don't get hurt.
Fuck, now even more bad thoughts are coming in my mind. But I still won't tell him. I don't matter. He says I do. But I don't believe it. I will never truly matter to someone.
Right now I am sitting in his room and crying. While he is in his daughter's room having a blast. He wants me to hang out with him and her at times. But I can't. I really don't feel welcome with her.
But who am I to say anything. I am just a nobody. I have been telling him to not worry about my birthday. I don't celebrate it anymore anyways. I tell him to not even worry about getting me anything, ever.
Why am I never wanted? Why can't someone love me? I just want to lay down and cry and sleep most of the day. Not eating and not feeling. I can't tell him though. He has other things to do and worry about. I am slowly going back to how I first was when I started to come over. Where I barely talked, barely interacted with anyone and not wanting to eat. Is that bad? Probably.
I keep thinking maybe I should just go home. He would be happier without me here. I ruin everything anyway's.
I wanna scream to let my frustration out. I want to cry to allow my sadness out. I wanna do something but I can't. I don't know what to do anymore except go back into my shell where I don't get hurt.
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