July 8, 2017 4:31 AM
I may have ruined what I have with D.
How can I be so stupid sometimes. I don't know why I try anymore, to find friends, to be happy. I should just do what I know. Get through school, work on art, stay in my room. It is hard for me to be happy. I know I sound like a typical girl but honestly I have high anxiety and depression. I hide them away from people so no one sees it. I hide most of myself away from everyone. That way I don't get hurt, or bullied or other things.
Yes I have a family. Sometimes they love me other times they wish I was never born. Most of the time I wish I was never born. Thinking people would be happier with me gone. I don't tell anyone that I think bad thoughts. My therapist, he helps me get out what happens with my family for that month, week or day. I know how I have come to have the high depression and anxiety. It is because of what happened in my past. It doesn't stop sometimes. My depression won't go away nor will my anxiety. They are here to stay. I can push them away at times but they are still there.
I don't know how to stay happy really, I try. I love my three kittens. They all make me feel loved sometimes. Other times I just want to cry and sleep that's it. When they lay next to me and cuddle me I start getting sleepy again because I relax with them.
Maybe I am supposed to be alone forever. I don't believe in god. I'm wicca.
That would be cruel. The one who always helps others before her, who pushes what ever is happening in her life to help her friends. The one thing she wants is to be loved by someone. Truly loved. Will never happen.
Some may think I am to young to know what love is. I have been through a lot. I know what love is, I also know what pain, heartbreak, and many other things are.
But whatever, maybe I should really just stay in my room and barely talk to new people or anyone.
Have a nice night/day to whoever reads my pathetic blogs.
-Jasmin.
How can I be so stupid sometimes. I don't know why I try anymore, to find friends, to be happy. I should just do what I know. Get through school, work on art, stay in my room. It is hard for me to be happy. I know I sound like a typical girl but honestly I have high anxiety and depression. I hide them away from people so no one sees it. I hide most of myself away from everyone. That way I don't get hurt, or bullied or other things.
Yes I have a family. Sometimes they love me other times they wish I was never born. Most of the time I wish I was never born. Thinking people would be happier with me gone. I don't tell anyone that I think bad thoughts. My therapist, he helps me get out what happens with my family for that month, week or day. I know how I have come to have the high depression and anxiety. It is because of what happened in my past. It doesn't stop sometimes. My depression won't go away nor will my anxiety. They are here to stay. I can push them away at times but they are still there.
I don't know how to stay happy really, I try. I love my three kittens. They all make me feel loved sometimes. Other times I just want to cry and sleep that's it. When they lay next to me and cuddle me I start getting sleepy again because I relax with them.
Maybe I am supposed to be alone forever. I don't believe in god. I'm wicca.
That would be cruel. The one who always helps others before her, who pushes what ever is happening in her life to help her friends. The one thing she wants is to be loved by someone. Truly loved. Will never happen.
Some may think I am to young to know what love is. I have been through a lot. I know what love is, I also know what pain, heartbreak, and many other things are.
But whatever, maybe I should really just stay in my room and barely talk to new people or anyone.
Have a nice night/day to whoever reads my pathetic blogs.
-Jasmin.
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