July 15, 2017
So, there has been a lot on my mind lately. I have been not singing as much as I usually do anymore. The reason is because I have been down again. I know my voice doesn't sound good. I have decided to not do the voice audition. I mean it's not like I would actually get in or anything.
Also I know I am to big to look sexy. So I don't try. I have given up on how I look. I am ugly.
My art is still the same. Do it when I feel a strong emotion.
I am gonna hang with my best friend D soon. I am very nervous on meeting his family. Every time I think about him I get happy and butterflies in my stomach. He is amazing.
I always think, what does he see in me? I am just plain, boring, nothing. I know it is bad to talk bad about yourself. But I have severe depression. It isn't gonna go away so easily. I don't like taking meds for it. So I don't.
My feelings and mind are going crazy a lot. I can't help it though. I keep it to myself a lot. Try to stop them on my own. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. I don't like talking about what I feel much. It makes me feel vulnerable. I mostly keep myself where no one can hurt me. I block out people from knowing the real true me. Yet, with D. I can tell him so much more then I could tell my other best friend Alisa. What does it mean? I know he won't fall for someone like me. I am broken, weak. I act happy around other people so they don't know about my dark side. I think my kittens know though. Whenever I cry they come and cuddle me. They start purring and it relaxes me to where I want to sleep. I love my little ones. Wanda gives me lot of kisses. Lucifer loves cuddles the most. Socks love to play. I am happy we decided to keep them.
Have a nice day/night everyone.
-Jasmin
Also I know I am to big to look sexy. So I don't try. I have given up on how I look. I am ugly.
My art is still the same. Do it when I feel a strong emotion.
I am gonna hang with my best friend D soon. I am very nervous on meeting his family. Every time I think about him I get happy and butterflies in my stomach. He is amazing.
I always think, what does he see in me? I am just plain, boring, nothing. I know it is bad to talk bad about yourself. But I have severe depression. It isn't gonna go away so easily. I don't like taking meds for it. So I don't.
My feelings and mind are going crazy a lot. I can't help it though. I keep it to myself a lot. Try to stop them on my own. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. I don't like talking about what I feel much. It makes me feel vulnerable. I mostly keep myself where no one can hurt me. I block out people from knowing the real true me. Yet, with D. I can tell him so much more then I could tell my other best friend Alisa. What does it mean? I know he won't fall for someone like me. I am broken, weak. I act happy around other people so they don't know about my dark side. I think my kittens know though. Whenever I cry they come and cuddle me. They start purring and it relaxes me to where I want to sleep. I love my little ones. Wanda gives me lot of kisses. Lucifer loves cuddles the most. Socks love to play. I am happy we decided to keep them.
Have a nice day/night everyone.
-Jasmin
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